Relationship Strained? Try Creating the Right Environment.
Good loving takes some advance planning and effort. Good loving also takes practice and energy. Stop taking your relationship for granted and Plan for a great relationship.
Women with kids are nearly always exhausted. Their husbands don’t seem to get it. They don’t know the women are exhausted. They focus entirely on how hurt they are that their own personal sex goddess has turned on them.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
Growing Online Dating Relationships
I shudder when I think about a young woman whom I have "met" online ( I am also a woman- this is a friendship), who is very deeply involved with a man thousands of miles away who is in PRISON- the BIG P, not the LITTLE J! She has a seven year old daughter, recently moved to Florida from New Jersey, and is not doing well here- no job, ex-husband is not paying child support, etc. But why she would choose a felon to hitch her wagon to, instead of a star, is beyond me. She must be very lonely. I feel that she is getting too serious too fast. She needs to check him out- have him investigated, instead of just believing what he tells her. I feel that what he is telling her is only the tip of the iceburg.
Just like regular real-world relationships, online relationships need tending, to grow over time. Here are some quick growing tips.
1. Take time and make time. Does your online date get in touch with you regularly? Do you do the same? Neglecting virtual meetings can be considered abuse or neglect, so treat each other’s time with respect. If it’s lacking, might mean time to move on.
2. Communication needs to “feel” right for both of you. If one of you is too pushy about meeting, for instance, that can give off bad vibes. So don’t rush. Take time to learn more about each other and develop trust.
3. Respect each others privacy. Don’t share personal email addresses or digital photos online, for example, if your online date sent you the information in confidence.
4. Share special online and offline fun times. Online – send greeting cards, links to favorite places to upload digital photos of your favorite pet, download music and video clips, post on favorite forums of interest. Offline- if you’re exchanging addresses or post office boxes, send print greeting cards and postcards, small items from your area (like a key chain with your state bird).
Tend your online relationship. Water it with care and over time it can sprout and grow. But Know WHO you are Dealing With! Click Here
Just like regular real-world relationships, online relationships need tending, to grow over time. Here are some quick growing tips.
1. Take time and make time. Does your online date get in touch with you regularly? Do you do the same? Neglecting virtual meetings can be considered abuse or neglect, so treat each other’s time with respect. If it’s lacking, might mean time to move on.
2. Communication needs to “feel” right for both of you. If one of you is too pushy about meeting, for instance, that can give off bad vibes. So don’t rush. Take time to learn more about each other and develop trust.
3. Respect each others privacy. Don’t share personal email addresses or digital photos online, for example, if your online date sent you the information in confidence.
4. Share special online and offline fun times. Online – send greeting cards, links to favorite places to upload digital photos of your favorite pet, download music and video clips, post on favorite forums of interest. Offline- if you’re exchanging addresses or post office boxes, send print greeting cards and postcards, small items from your area (like a key chain with your state bird).
Tend your online relationship. Water it with care and over time it can sprout and grow. But Know WHO you are Dealing With! Click Here
Friday, November 24, 2006
Breaking up is Hard to Do!
As in the old Neil Sedaka song, it is difficult to end a relationship. There are cases where a relationship need to end, such as in violence or other abuse- remember, abuse starts with the verbal type and works its way to physical violence.
But, many people end relationships prematurely. I'll tell you about the "one who got away". We were classmates in our senior year of college. We didn't like each other when we first met, as we had very different opinions on Live Animal Experimentation in the Biological Sciences. I remember standing in the pub, glass of Sangria in hand, asking him "How can you do that to those poor little gerbils?".
We met up again around the middle of our last semester. His girlfriend had moved out. A couple of drinks later, and I found myself following him back to his place for a night of sexual fireworks.
We graduated, and went our separate ways- he went to Medical School, and I went into teaching High School Science. I really missed him, and thought about him, wondering how he was making out. Back in those days, there was no internet, and neither one of us were great letter writers. I moved about 100 miles north of my hometown for a long-term teaching assignment, and met the man who would become my first husband. Unfortunately, I let this man talk me into marriage after only knowing him for just three months.
One week after I was married, my college love called my parents' house, asking about me. My mother told me about this, which ignited a fight with my jealous and possessive first husband.
So, the moral of this story is that relationships are precious things. I often think how different my life would be today if I had been better at keeping in touch with my college love, and if I had waited for him, and stayed single. If you have a good man or woman, but are having problems, there is help for you!
Click Here to fix your Broken Relationship!
But, many people end relationships prematurely. I'll tell you about the "one who got away". We were classmates in our senior year of college. We didn't like each other when we first met, as we had very different opinions on Live Animal Experimentation in the Biological Sciences. I remember standing in the pub, glass of Sangria in hand, asking him "How can you do that to those poor little gerbils?".
We met up again around the middle of our last semester. His girlfriend had moved out. A couple of drinks later, and I found myself following him back to his place for a night of sexual fireworks.
We graduated, and went our separate ways- he went to Medical School, and I went into teaching High School Science. I really missed him, and thought about him, wondering how he was making out. Back in those days, there was no internet, and neither one of us were great letter writers. I moved about 100 miles north of my hometown for a long-term teaching assignment, and met the man who would become my first husband. Unfortunately, I let this man talk me into marriage after only knowing him for just three months.
One week after I was married, my college love called my parents' house, asking about me. My mother told me about this, which ignited a fight with my jealous and possessive first husband.
So, the moral of this story is that relationships are precious things. I often think how different my life would be today if I had been better at keeping in touch with my college love, and if I had waited for him, and stayed single. If you have a good man or woman, but are having problems, there is help for you!
Click Here to fix your Broken Relationship!
Check 'em out!!!
The "If only" game:
If Only I had not married my first husband. I could have been saved much heartbreak, much abuse, and much money.
If Only my mother had spoken up at my first wedding, when she knew that my first husband was not the man that he presented himself to be, and that the marriage wouldn't last two years.
If Only my father had been more aggressive in finding out about the man who wanted to marry his daughter. If Only he had insisted that we wait awhile before getting married.
If Only I had not allowed myself to be pushed and rushed into a marriage that ended in abuse and heartbreak.
If Only I had hired a detective to investigate my ex-husband's background before marriage. I would have moved out in the middle of the night. as the findings would have curled my hair. He'd had another divorce for physical violence years before we met. If only I hadn't found out by finding his papers while cleaning- when I was five months pregnant with my first child.
Hiring a detective costs money, and finding a good one is difficult, if not impossible. Thirty years ago, this was the only way you could do a background check. However, today it is much easier.
You can obtain records on practically anyone in theUnited States Canada Western Europe , usually in less than 1 minute... and your searches are always discreet. Find anything you want to know about a person from the comfort of your own home, and at a fraction of the cost of hiring a private investigator.
Click Here to Investigate your Would-Be Mate!
If Only I had not married my first husband. I could have been saved much heartbreak, much abuse, and much money.
If Only my mother had spoken up at my first wedding, when she knew that my first husband was not the man that he presented himself to be, and that the marriage wouldn't last two years.
If Only my father had been more aggressive in finding out about the man who wanted to marry his daughter. If Only he had insisted that we wait awhile before getting married.
If Only I had not allowed myself to be pushed and rushed into a marriage that ended in abuse and heartbreak.
If Only I had hired a detective to investigate my ex-husband's background before marriage. I would have moved out in the middle of the night. as the findings would have curled my hair. He'd had another divorce for physical violence years before we met. If only I hadn't found out by finding his papers while cleaning- when I was five months pregnant with my first child.
Hiring a detective costs money, and finding a good one is difficult, if not impossible. Thirty years ago, this was the only way you could do a background check. However, today it is much easier.
You can obtain records on practically anyone in the
Click Here to Investigate your Would-Be Mate!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Online Dating is Not a Contest
Online dating is not a competition between competing males for the attention of a female. Grow up. Change your mind set from “winning” to “searching”. ; This isn’t high school. You are all grown up and have been for quite some time, now. Your attitude is the most important asset you have. You should like yourself and not concentrate of all of the things that aren’t YOUR idea of the perfect guy…the one the all women want.
What is that women want, you ask? That’s the age old question. Being of the female persuasion myself, I can tell you a few things women want and don’t want.
Women want a man to be confident…NOT an arrogant jerk. There’s a big difference. You need to like yourself and not be self depreciating but you don’t need to come across like you believe that you are a gift to them from God and have just fallen from the sky. They don’t want you to think that THEY just fell from heaven and are some kind of perfect being, either. They can’t live up to that expectation.
Women want a communicator. The “strong silent type” really isn’t appealing at all. They think you probably don’t have an original thought in your head and you probably haven’t heard a word they said, either or that you just don’t care what they said or didn’t even hear what they said. They want you to be interesting enough to want to know more about you and they want you to think that they are interesting enough to ask intelligent questions about what is important to them, too.
Women do NOT want to be a prize to be won. They don’t want to be a trophy. They want to be the ONE woman that you want to be with.
What is that women want, you ask? That’s the age old question. Being of the female persuasion myself, I can tell you a few things women want and don’t want.
Women want a man to be confident…NOT an arrogant jerk. There’s a big difference. You need to like yourself and not be self depreciating but you don’t need to come across like you believe that you are a gift to them from God and have just fallen from the sky. They don’t want you to think that THEY just fell from heaven and are some kind of perfect being, either. They can’t live up to that expectation.
Women want a communicator. The “strong silent type” really isn’t appealing at all. They think you probably don’t have an original thought in your head and you probably haven’t heard a word they said, either or that you just don’t care what they said or didn’t even hear what they said. They want you to be interesting enough to want to know more about you and they want you to think that they are interesting enough to ask intelligent questions about what is important to them, too.
Women do NOT want to be a prize to be won. They don’t want to be a trophy. They want to be the ONE woman that you want to be with.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Finding love is hard to do
When I was younger, I spent many a lonely night and shed many a tear over broken relationships or having no relationship at all. I used to wonder... what is wrong with me? My heart is filled with love to give. My soul is filled with passion. I am worthy of love! Where is that one special man?It's never easy, even if the choice is clear-cut, as in cases of abuse.
Looking back, I can see some of the mistakes that I made. I was hungrily looking for someone who would love me, due to a lack of love from my parents. I was very aggressive with men. This was either a turn-off with men, or would cause them to view me as somebody to be trifled with and then cast aside in favor of another woman who was more of a "challenge". It shouldn't be that way, but it's true- men want what they cannot have. Men want to climb the mountain and conquer Everest, not walk the grassy fields with the soft paths. My daughter is the exact opposite of the way I was- she isn't looking for a boyfriend, as she is concentrating on college. This drives the boys crazy, and she has no trouble attracting the opposite sex.
It sounds sexist and wrong, but for a woman to attract and keep a quality man, you have to know how to play the game. You have to fight your primal urges for love and sex and keep the male at bay as long as you can. You have to treat him like he almost doesn't matter to you. I guess this is what they mean by "Emotional Maturity". Emotional Maturity is one of the most important but misunderstood aspects of the love experience. It is a frequent source of relationship problems, yet few take the time to do anything about it.
Now, I have the most wonderful man in the world as my husband. He has always been there for me through sickness and health (and this was before we were even married!). He has supported me in whatever I wanted to do with regards to education or career, and loves me unconditionally. No, life isn't a perfect fairy-tale, but we have weathered the tough times in life and come out stronger as a couple and as individuals, too.
My wish for you is that you also find the love that you desire by attracting the right kind of person to be your soul-mate.
Looking back, I can see some of the mistakes that I made. I was hungrily looking for someone who would love me, due to a lack of love from my parents. I was very aggressive with men. This was either a turn-off with men, or would cause them to view me as somebody to be trifled with and then cast aside in favor of another woman who was more of a "challenge". It shouldn't be that way, but it's true- men want what they cannot have. Men want to climb the mountain and conquer Everest, not walk the grassy fields with the soft paths. My daughter is the exact opposite of the way I was- she isn't looking for a boyfriend, as she is concentrating on college. This drives the boys crazy, and she has no trouble attracting the opposite sex.
It sounds sexist and wrong, but for a woman to attract and keep a quality man, you have to know how to play the game. You have to fight your primal urges for love and sex and keep the male at bay as long as you can. You have to treat him like he almost doesn't matter to you. I guess this is what they mean by "Emotional Maturity". Emotional Maturity is one of the most important but misunderstood aspects of the love experience. It is a frequent source of relationship problems, yet few take the time to do anything about it.
Now, I have the most wonderful man in the world as my husband. He has always been there for me through sickness and health (and this was before we were even married!). He has supported me in whatever I wanted to do with regards to education or career, and loves me unconditionally. No, life isn't a perfect fairy-tale, but we have weathered the tough times in life and come out stronger as a couple and as individuals, too.
My wish for you is that you also find the love that you desire by attracting the right kind of person to be your soul-mate.
Monday, November 20, 2006
The Feelings of Falling in Love
What is Love? Is it attraction? Is it intimacy? Is it attachment? Love, in fact, is all of these things combined together. "Love is spiritual, not physical. It is a union of souls and hearts and minds, not something you can't put under your microscope and understand!" Love is an emotion combined with a series of feelings. These feelings can be immensely powerful and wonderful. Romantic love is defined to be an intense emotional state that one person experiences in relation to another. These types of feelings appear to be among the most intense that most of us are capable of, and at least in some cases, grow rather than diminish with time. Falling in love can be one of the most unexplainable feelings a person can endure.
There are two sets of feelings that are the basis of modern romantic relationships. The first is attraction. Attraction is the excitement you feel when falling in love. To better explain this feeling, attraction is what you feel when you have met someone new who really excites you and you begin to feel aroused when thinking about this person. Although this sounds very sexual, this feeling is just the first of what will most likely become a sexual passion. When in this first state of attraction, your body feels different - more bouncy, more energetic, and in need of less food and sleep. When in this state of attraction, one feels very happy and different every time that they are with this person. Frequently the presence (or sometimes merely thought) of the loved one can evoke specific physiological reactions. These physiological reactions include: erections for the male, wetness for the female, a lump in the throat, sweaty palms, weak knees, cold feet, a pounding heart. dizziness, and butterflies in the stomach. These physiological reations are completely normal when falling in love.
The second type of feeling that one endures when falling in love is attachment. Attachment is a bond or a special tie between people that are attracted to one another. Attachment helps keep people together and has more to do with feelings of security than of excitement. Romantic love requires attraction plus attachment. Someone can be very strongly attracted to another person but never become attached. Without some feeling of attachment, attraction is nonspecific. Once you have begun to fall in love with someone, this process becomes more and more important and you begin to feel more attached to this person. When in this state of attachment, each person would feel as if they are one person combined together. A special bond is shared and a sense of comfort and togetherness is felt in most any situation. This attachment is very normal in close relationships and healthy to a certain extent. Many times one person becomes more dependant on the other and this can be very unhealthy because everyone needs their own sense of identity. Without your own sense of identity, you might feel smothered or unable to function without your mate. Either way it is a lose-lose situation. For a healthy relationship, one needs to be able to function without total dependence on their mate.
There are three main aspects of love. According to the triangular theory of love, these three components include intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment. Intimacy is the feeling of being connected and close to another person. It is getting to know the person beyond the friendship level and understanding them on a romantic level. An example of this might be going to dinner or the movies with a prospective mate, rather than the casual encounters that someone might have with them in everyday interaction. Intimacy does not only pertain to specific acts, but also in verbal and non-verbal expressions of love. Although verbal expressions of intimate feelings through self-disclosure is important to relationship quality, the nonverbal expression appears to be more important. In general people rely more on nonverbal thanb verval cues to interpret messages. Some examples of these nonverbal cues include touch, gaze, gestures, and time spent together.
The next aspect of love is passion. Passion is the feelings or physical attraction and sexual consummation that people have for one another. This is more than idolization of a superstar such as Tom Cruise or Demi Moore. It is an attraction that one might have for a peer or a person with whom they are aquainted. Passion acts as the fire that helps the relationship function.
The last aspect of love is decision/commitment. Decision/commitment refers to the belief that one is in love and committed to a certain romantic relationship. This bond may be as informal as a phrase that states they want to date exclusively, or it might be as formal as a ring of gold that bonds them forever. This commitment is exclusive between partners which both need to feel an equal level of commitment which they need to decide together. These three aspects involve no certain amount of time. It depends on the person or persons and the level of the relationship. Time will only give the couple some room to grow and expand the feelings felt for one another.
Although these feelings are somewhat similar with most people who fall in love, there are different types of traits that most people tend to fall in love with. Trusting, caring, humor and friendship may be the best examples of features associated with healthy adult love relationships. To be cared for is one of the most rewarding feelings in one's life. In my life I know that I have many people that care about me but to be cared about by my boyfriend is completely different. This feeling is a sense of completeness.
Throughout an individuals life they will have the opportunity to experience many different relationships involving these types of feelings for love. Many of these relationships will not be true romantic love. However, hopefully they will learn form these relationships so they do not repeat their mistakes from the past or let others do the same to them. I am now in a relationship where I can say that I am truly in love. I know this because of the feelings I get when I am with this special person and I am definitely attached to him. All of these feelings can be very complicated at times but, when you are in the right relationship this emotional roller coaster is very well worth it to feel these powerful feelings of love.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Ask the Right Questions First-from a Man's Viewpoint
OK. You have joined a couple of dating services and written a killer profile. You’ve uploaded a good picture and now you are going to chat with a contact. What now? How do you start separating those who have real potential and those who don’t have any potential at all? You need to find out something about who this strange woman really is and not just who she wants you to believe she is. It would be nice if women wore labels like “Gold Digger” or “Daddy’s girl”….but they don’t so it’s up to you to find these things out and you can’t just ask direct questions. You need to know what mistakes you can avoid making and how to impress this lady if you decide you want to do that.
After you are past the initial small talk, ask her, “What are the biggest mistakes guys make when dating online?” Listen carefully to her answers. She’s going to tell you a lot about herself and her views on men in general.
Next you should ask her, “What do you really think about online dating?” Now she will tell you if she has had any bad experiences dating o line and help you to avoid making the same things wrong.
Now for the all-important one…..”What caused the break up in your last relationship?” If she puts all the blame on the guy, you should probably move on to the next prospect. If she takes all the blame herself, you should probably do the same. If she says the breakup was by mutual consent or that the relationship just wasn’t right for either of them, you’ve heard the right answer. Move forward but always with caution.
Asking the right questions will give you insight and make you more confident when you meet the lady for the first time.
After you are past the initial small talk, ask her, “What are the biggest mistakes guys make when dating online?” Listen carefully to her answers. She’s going to tell you a lot about herself and her views on men in general.
Next you should ask her, “What do you really think about online dating?” Now she will tell you if she has had any bad experiences dating o line and help you to avoid making the same things wrong.
Now for the all-important one…..”What caused the break up in your last relationship?” If she puts all the blame on the guy, you should probably move on to the next prospect. If she takes all the blame herself, you should probably do the same. If she says the breakup was by mutual consent or that the relationship just wasn’t right for either of them, you’ve heard the right answer. Move forward but always with caution.
Asking the right questions will give you insight and make you more confident when you meet the lady for the first time.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Online Dating For the Single 30 Something Woman
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Domestic Violence is NOT love!!!
A lady calls 911 and cries that her husband is beating her. She wants to file a report, but then asks the dispatcher if it is going to be in the paper the next day. When the dispatcher doesn't reply, she changes her mind about the report and hangs up (Cart). The lady was Sun Bonds, wife of all-star San Francisco Giant, Barry Bonds. Like the wives of other famous players, she was a victim of spousal abuse. Athletes are praised as heroes for what they do on the playing field, but what they do off the field is never mentioned.
Athletes have been abusing their spouses since sports were created, but not until the OJ Simpson trial has domestic violence become "the issue du jour." When Simpson was arrested on New Years Day for beating his wife, none of the newspapers reported it. When he pleaded no contest five months later, there was a small brief in the second page of The Los Angeles Times' Metro Section (Cart). In the last three years alone the list of the accused included Dante Bichette, Barry Bonds, John Daly, Scottie Pippen, Jose Conseco, Bobby Cox, Mike Tyson, Warren Moon, Michael Cooper, Darryl Strawberry, Duane Causwell, Olden Polynice, Robert Parish, and OJ Simpson( Callahan, Sports Ilustrated). And these are only the pro athletes whose wives had the courage to report the violence.
There is an act of domestic violence every eighteen seconds in the United States. One in every three women will experience it, according to a study done by The L.A. Times.
Abuse is the number one cause of injury for women. About six million women are abused each year; four thousand are killed (Cart). Although the sports world is not involved with all of these statistics, they are an important factor as to why the numbers are so high. The survey found that in 1995 there were 252 incidents involving 345 active sports players.
Another survey done by Sports Illustrated reveals that eight to twelve women a year are assaulted by their partners. More women die from abuse than from car accidents and muggings combined. A study done by the University of Massachusetts and Northeastern University revealed that out of 107 cases of sexual assault reported in various universities, most of them involved male student-athletes although they only make up 3.3% of the total male body (Callahan). This means that male student-athletes were six times more involved than males who were not student-athletes.
I, myself, was in a domestic abuse situation. My husband, now ex, was not an athlete. The important thing is to recognize the warning signs early and GET OUT!! There are organizations that will help you.
Athletes have been abusing their spouses since sports were created, but not until the OJ Simpson trial has domestic violence become "the issue du jour." When Simpson was arrested on New Years Day for beating his wife, none of the newspapers reported it. When he pleaded no contest five months later, there was a small brief in the second page of The Los Angeles Times' Metro Section (Cart). In the last three years alone the list of the accused included Dante Bichette, Barry Bonds, John Daly, Scottie Pippen, Jose Conseco, Bobby Cox, Mike Tyson, Warren Moon, Michael Cooper, Darryl Strawberry, Duane Causwell, Olden Polynice, Robert Parish, and OJ Simpson( Callahan, Sports Ilustrated). And these are only the pro athletes whose wives had the courage to report the violence.
There is an act of domestic violence every eighteen seconds in the United States. One in every three women will experience it, according to a study done by The L.A. Times.
Abuse is the number one cause of injury for women. About six million women are abused each year; four thousand are killed (Cart). Although the sports world is not involved with all of these statistics, they are an important factor as to why the numbers are so high. The survey found that in 1995 there were 252 incidents involving 345 active sports players.
Another survey done by Sports Illustrated reveals that eight to twelve women a year are assaulted by their partners. More women die from abuse than from car accidents and muggings combined. A study done by the University of Massachusetts and Northeastern University revealed that out of 107 cases of sexual assault reported in various universities, most of them involved male student-athletes although they only make up 3.3% of the total male body (Callahan). This means that male student-athletes were six times more involved than males who were not student-athletes.
I, myself, was in a domestic abuse situation. My husband, now ex, was not an athlete. The important thing is to recognize the warning signs early and GET OUT!! There are organizations that will help you.
Welcome to my Love and Romance blog
Welcome to my Love and Romance blog. Love and the nature of love and romance has been a mystery since the beginning of time.
"Falling in Love" is a common myth in this society. There is a differentiation to be made between what is termed "falling in love" and the act of real loving. Peck describes exactly what it is that we experience when We think we have fallen in love. Much of what Peck describes as falling in love has to do with what he calls "ego boundaries". These ego boundaries are established during infancy and continue to develop throughout the person's life. These boundaries represent an individual's limits with their mental and physical power, as they are perceived by the individual. With these ego boundaries many people feel confined into their own personal identity which generally creates a feeling of loneliness. A need to form a cathexis is then developed. Peck describes it thus, "The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual's ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The Sudden release of oneself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundaries is experienced by most of us as ecstatic. We and the beloved are one! Loneliness is no more!"
Now it is not to say that the feeling of having fallen in love means that there in no hope for true love to grow from it. Many loving relationships do form on these grounds. However, It is after the inevitable diminishing of this fervent emotional overload that true love is put to the test, and the result of the relationship will either fail or prosper. It has been said that the "magic" of any romance dies, a statement to which I can only accede to. Genuine love therefore will be established and continue to mature long after this feeling has ceased.
What then is true love? I suppose I should know what it is if I intend to have it grow out of a simple cathexis. As Peck describes it, love is "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."
Love then seems to fall into place as one of the key elements involved in enlightenment. To fully reach an individual's peak of spiritual potential, it seems imperative for a person to form a loving relationship with another person. There is so much to be gained from a bond between two individuals, which is most commonly the underlying motive for finding someone to connect with. Whether they are conscious of it or not, many people have a desire to find a companion from whom they can grow, whether it be intellectually, romantically, spiritually, or any other means of progression that is to be gained from that experience. Moreover, It is an integral part of any relationship to have the same desire to provide the stimulation that is necessary to inspire the other person's spiritual growth. For true love to succeed it must be as much of a giving experience as a receiving one.
"Falling in Love" is a common myth in this society. There is a differentiation to be made between what is termed "falling in love" and the act of real loving. Peck describes exactly what it is that we experience when We think we have fallen in love. Much of what Peck describes as falling in love has to do with what he calls "ego boundaries". These ego boundaries are established during infancy and continue to develop throughout the person's life. These boundaries represent an individual's limits with their mental and physical power, as they are perceived by the individual. With these ego boundaries many people feel confined into their own personal identity which generally creates a feeling of loneliness. A need to form a cathexis is then developed. Peck describes it thus, "The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual's ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The Sudden release of oneself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundaries is experienced by most of us as ecstatic. We and the beloved are one! Loneliness is no more!"
Now it is not to say that the feeling of having fallen in love means that there in no hope for true love to grow from it. Many loving relationships do form on these grounds. However, It is after the inevitable diminishing of this fervent emotional overload that true love is put to the test, and the result of the relationship will either fail or prosper. It has been said that the "magic" of any romance dies, a statement to which I can only accede to. Genuine love therefore will be established and continue to mature long after this feeling has ceased.
What then is true love? I suppose I should know what it is if I intend to have it grow out of a simple cathexis. As Peck describes it, love is "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."
Love then seems to fall into place as one of the key elements involved in enlightenment. To fully reach an individual's peak of spiritual potential, it seems imperative for a person to form a loving relationship with another person. There is so much to be gained from a bond between two individuals, which is most commonly the underlying motive for finding someone to connect with. Whether they are conscious of it or not, many people have a desire to find a companion from whom they can grow, whether it be intellectually, romantically, spiritually, or any other means of progression that is to be gained from that experience. Moreover, It is an integral part of any relationship to have the same desire to provide the stimulation that is necessary to inspire the other person's spiritual growth. For true love to succeed it must be as much of a giving experience as a receiving one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)