Blind Date vs Internet Date

Your friend has decided that you need help with your social life so she sets you up with a blind date….a friend of a friend of a friend. You, foolishly, accept. Now there you are. It’s less than one hour since you were introduced. You are sitting in a Thai restaurant and you hate Thai food. The entrée has not yet been served. His idea of enlightened conversation is who will be in the final four…you aren’t into sports. He knows the weekly TV schedule verbatim….you haven’t sat through a movie in months because you run marathons and volunteer at the local food bank. He says, “Volunteering is a waste of time because you can’t help ‘those people’ anyway.” You look at your watch; see that it’s only been 10 minutes since you last looked at it the last time and wonder how long it is before you can gracefully remove yourself from the situation. Been there?

Now imagine a date with someone you met through internet dating and have been chatting online with and exchanging emails with for quite some time. First, you don’t need to be introduced. You already know this man. You are sitting in an Italian restaurant enjoying a delightful meal because you both know that the other’s favorite is Italian. The conversation flows easily as you discuss common interests. He runs marathons and loves history just like you do. You happily discuss the volunteer work that each of you is involved in. You look at your watch and discover that it is late…very late…where Has the time gone.

There is a big difference between a well-intentioned friend “setting you up” and choosing a man for yourself who shares your interests and tastes, isn’t there? Now which one would you rather have?

Power through the people

Have you come across a person who is so naturally friendly that when you put him inside a room of strangers, he'll be friends with almost everyone in no time? We call such a people-person, someone unbelievably nice and charismatic that he can charm anyone into doing anything.

A socially-empowered person achieves so much greatness, basically because of the people that catapult him to success. He earns the trust and all-out support of the people, whom he had helped before. He never runs out of help. He can do anything with the plethora of people behind him. All because he knows he maximizes his social potential!

See, if you know your social skills and you make use of them, you will reach self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is making a general overhaul in your life and turning yourself into a happier and more successful person.If you can be one of those people-persons, then I can't see any reason why you will not succeed. You just have to know how to start.

1. Be genuine.

Hypocrisy will just bring you all the way down. Be genuinely nice and interested to people. Once they perceive that you are Mr. Hypocrite with selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment.

2. Be the greatest listener that you can be.

To earn the love and trust of the people, listen to their problems and sympathize with them. Do not just hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Make eye contact when the person talks to you. Listen as if every word matters, and it does. Brownie points when they find out that there is a confidante in you.

3. Laugh out loud.

I do not mean that you force yourself to laugh for every joke cracked by someone, albeit you do not find it funny at all.This means finding humor in things and not being too darn serious. A person oozing with an awesome sense of humor attracts crowds and eventually, attracts success.

4. Don't forget yourself.

In the process of fluttering around like a social butterfly, you might forget yourself, allowing everyone to push you over. Remember, love and value yourself before anyone else. If you deem yourself respectable and worthy of affection, people will flock to you and not trample on you.

5. Do random acts of kindness.

You don't have to do a John Rockefeller and blow your savings to charity. Little acts of kindness matters the most, and this can be as simple as giving someone a surprise you-take-care card or helping an elderly cross the street. When we were kindergarten students, kindness was taught to us and greatly practiced. Now is the time to revive the good deeds and this time, let them stay for good.

6. Contact your old friends.

Sad how some friendships are destined to goodbye, but thanks to technology, you can do something about it. Relive the good old days by flipping your yearbook and look for the great people whom you want to communicate with again. Adding these old friends to your roster of support peers will surely make you feel good all over.

7. Develop your personality.

Are you grouchy, grumpy and generally morose? Whoa, you can't go through life with those. Get rid of the bad traits and habits that perpetually hamper your growth. And really, who wants a grouchy friend anyway?

8. Be confident.

Be able to stride to the other corner of the room and introduce yourself to people with that winning smile of yours. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant.

9. Practice control.

When angry, don't snap at anyone. Never throw a tantrum. Stay calm and collected. Be adult enough to take control of situation and transform your anger into something more productive and passive. As soon as people think your anger goes to volcanic proportions easily, they will find it hard to come to you.

10. Keep nurturing your relationships.

Your relationship with your family, friends and significant others is too precious that you must not neglect it whatever happens. Go out and have fun with them. Do things together. Happiness will never fly from your side as long as the people who matter the most are close to you.

In the end, using people for self-empowerment means becoming a better and more lovable person. It's a win-win situation: the people know they can turn to you anytime and vice versa.

Creating Effective and Efficient Relationships

Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very delicate things, that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials.

Building an effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management.

An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating. An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.

People or other entities who depend on these groups or organization also suffer.

Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested, can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.

Understanding the other parties' feeling and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them

The divorce is finally over

No more fighting over who gets to keep the home and other real estate. Those leather couches, and the expensive art hanging on the walls of your summer home. A drop in the bucket compared to the company that both of you slaved over to build or the family pet that made your kids so happy. But even now, all that looks small compared to the most important issue of all: child custody. But hey—all of this is over. Resolved. Now you can breathe a sigh of relief. You’ve probably been wondering about your future – without your x. Yes, being single again definitely has its benefits. Maybe you’re going out more, enjoying life, and watching your diet. It’s those little things you haven’t enjoyed in a long time that suddenly make life worth living–again.

Free Holiday E-Book

I have a nice ebook about holiday traditions that I would like to give to you absolutely FREE of charge. Please email me dottye789@earthlink.net to get your copy.

Stop Dragging Your Past into Present Relationships

Expressed as a two-way bridge between childhood and adulthood, magical thinking is a developmental stage during childhood that serves a very important function in the process of creativity and imagination. Like so many of our developmental constructs, when magical thinking is held onto and not revised in the light of reality it becomes maladaptive.

Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent

For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce, Christmas can be a hugely trying time. Since the season is one of the most stressful times of the year anyway, this onslaught of depression to the divorcee can be overwhelming. This is reflected in the Christmas surge of suicide rates. The feelings are that much more intense if there are kids involved. I truly learned that the biggest gift you can give the people around you, especially your kids, is your own survival. That's what they'll always remember.

Here are some helpful tips for you if you are facing the holidays as a newly-divorced or separated parent:

Step 1 - Do not be alone.

You have to reach out and ask for support, from family, friends or whomever. If things get really bad, the Suicide Crisis Line is always there to re-assure you.

Step 2 - Know you are not alone and connect with other people in your same circumstance.

I took some classes at a local university in the town to which I relocated after the abusive breakup of my first marriage. Although I was there to get my teacher certification, I met several people over the next year, male and female, who were in the same boat as I was. I did meet one special man, whom I dated for a few years.

Step 3 - Do not feel guilty.

Your kids are enjoying two Christmas celebrations instead of just one. What kid wouldn't love that?

Step 4 - Give to charity or volunteer at the Food Bank.

This really helped me realize that even in my pain and sadness, I still had food and a home. There were people much worse off then I was.

Step 5 - Don't be so hard on yourself.

From the time we were kids, the Christmas season commercial frenzy creates a ton of expectations in all of us. During divorce, with your own kids jumping between houses, those expectations become very difficult if not impossible to maintain. This compounds the feeling of being a failure because you cannot emotionally keep pace with the joy you see around you.

Click here for more information!

Environment and Relationships

Relationship Strained? Try Creating the Right Environment.

Good loving takes some advance planning and effort. Good loving also takes practice and energy. Stop taking your relationship for granted and Plan for a great relationship.

Women with kids are nearly always exhausted. Their husbands don’t seem to get it. They don’t know the women are exhausted. They focus entirely on how hurt they are that their own personal sex goddess has turned on them.

Growing Online Dating Relationships

I shudder when I think about a young woman whom I have "met" online ( I am also a woman- this is a friendship), who is very deeply involved with a man thousands of miles away who is in PRISON- the BIG P, not the LITTLE J! She has a seven year old daughter, recently moved to Florida from New Jersey, and is not doing well here- no job, ex-husband is not paying child support, etc. But why she would choose a felon to hitch her wagon to, instead of a star, is beyond me. She must be very lonely. I feel that she is getting too serious too fast. She needs to check him out- have him investigated, instead of just believing what he tells her. I feel that what he is telling her is only the tip of the iceburg.

Just like regular real-world relationships, online relationships need tending, to grow over time. Here are some quick growing tips.

1. Take time and make time. Does your online date get in touch with you regularly? Do you do the same? Neglecting virtual meetings can be considered abuse or neglect, so treat each other’s time with respect. If it’s lacking, might mean time to move on.

2. Communication needs to “feel” right for both of you. If one of you is too pushy about meeting, for instance, that can give off bad vibes. So don’t rush. Take time to learn more about each other and develop trust.

3. Respect each others privacy. Don’t share personal email addresses or digital photos online, for example, if your online date sent you the information in confidence.

4. Share special online and offline fun times. Online – send greeting cards, links to favorite places to upload digital photos of your favorite pet, download music and video clips, post on favorite forums of interest. Offline- if you’re exchanging addresses or post office boxes, send print greeting cards and postcards, small items from your area (like a key chain with your state bird).

Tend your online relationship. Water it with care and over time it can sprout and grow. But Know WHO you are Dealing With! Click Here

Breaking up is Hard to Do!

As in the old Neil Sedaka song, it is difficult to end a relationship. There are cases where a relationship need to end, such as in violence or other abuse- remember, abuse starts with the verbal type and works its way to physical violence.

But, many people end relationships prematurely. I'll tell you about the "one who got away". We were classmates in our senior year of college. We didn't like each other when we first met, as we had very different opinions on Live Animal Experimentation in the Biological Sciences. I remember standing in the pub, glass of Sangria in hand, asking him "How can you do that to those poor little gerbils?".

We met up again around the middle of our last semester. His girlfriend had moved out. A couple of drinks later, and I found myself following him back to his place for a night of sexual fireworks.

We graduated, and went our separate ways- he went to Medical School, and I went into teaching High School Science. I really missed him, and thought about him, wondering how he was making out. Back in those days, there was no internet, and neither one of us were great letter writers. I moved about 100 miles north of my hometown for a long-term teaching assignment, and met the man who would become my first husband. Unfortunately, I let this man talk me into marriage after only knowing him for just three months.

One week after I was married, my college love called my parents' house, asking about me. My mother told me about this, which ignited a fight with my jealous and possessive first husband.

So, the moral of this story is that relationships are precious things. I often think how different my life would be today if I had been better at keeping in touch with my college love, and if I had waited for him, and stayed single. If you have a good man or woman, but are having problems, there is help for you!
Click Here to fix your Broken Relationship!

Check 'em out!!!

The "If only" game:

If Only I had not married my first husband. I could have been saved much heartbreak, much abuse, and much money.

If Only my mother had spoken up at my first wedding, when she knew that my first husband was not the man that he presented himself to be, and that the marriage wouldn't last two years.

If Only my father had been more aggressive in finding out about the man who wanted to marry his daughter. If Only he had insisted that we wait awhile before getting married.

If Only I had not allowed myself to be pushed and rushed into a marriage that ended in abuse and heartbreak.

If Only I had hired a detective to investigate my ex-husband's background before marriage. I would have moved out in the middle of the night. as the findings would have curled my hair. He'd had another divorce for physical violence years before we met. If only I hadn't found out by finding his papers while cleaning- when I was five months pregnant with my first child.

Hiring a detective costs money, and finding a good one is difficult, if not impossible. Thirty years ago, this was the only way you could do a background check. However, today it is much easier.
You can obtain records on practically anyone in the United States, Canada and Western Europe, usually in less than 1 minute... and your searches are always discreet. Find anything you want to know about a person from the comfort of your own home, and at a fraction of the cost of hiring a private investigator.

Click Here to Investigate your Would-Be Mate!

Online Dating is Not a Contest

Online dating is not a competition between competing males for the attention of a female. Grow up. Change your mind set from “winning” to “searching”. ; This isn’t high school. You are all grown up and have been for quite some time, now. Your attitude is the most important asset you have. You should like yourself and not concentrate of all of the things that aren’t YOUR idea of the perfect guy…the one the all women want.

What is that women want, you ask? That’s the age old question. Being of the female persuasion myself, I can tell you a few things women want and don’t want.
Women want a man to be confident…NOT an arrogant jerk. There’s a big difference. You need to like yourself and not be self depreciating but you don’t need to come across like you believe that you are a gift to them from God and have just fallen from the sky. They don’t want you to think that THEY just fell from heaven and are some kind of perfect being, either. They can’t live up to that expectation.

Women want a communicator. The “strong silent type” really isn’t appealing at all. They think you probably don’t have an original thought in your head and you probably haven’t heard a word they said, either or that you just don’t care what they said or didn’t even hear what they said. They want you to be interesting enough to want to know more about you and they want you to think that they are interesting enough to ask intelligent questions about what is important to them, too.

Women do NOT want to be a prize to be won. They don’t want to be a trophy. They want to be the ONE woman that you want to be with.

Finding love is hard to do

When I was younger, I spent many a lonely night and shed many a tear over broken relationships or having no relationship at all. I used to wonder... what is wrong with me? My heart is filled with love to give. My soul is filled with passion. I am worthy of love! Where is that one special man?It's never easy, even if the choice is clear-cut, as in cases of abuse.

Looking back, I can see some of the mistakes that I made. I was hungrily looking for someone who would love me, due to a lack of love from my parents. I was very aggressive with men. This was either a turn-off with men, or would cause them to view me as somebody to be trifled with and then cast aside in favor of another woman who was more of a "challenge". It shouldn't be that way, but it's true- men want what they cannot have. Men want to climb the mountain and conquer Everest, not walk the grassy fields with the soft paths. My daughter is the exact opposite of the way I was- she isn't looking for a boyfriend, as she is concentrating on college. This drives the boys crazy, and she has no trouble attracting the opposite sex.

It sounds sexist and wrong, but for a woman to attract and keep a quality man, you have to know how to play the game. You have to fight your primal urges for love and sex and keep the male at bay as long as you can. You have to treat him like he almost doesn't matter to you. I guess this is what they mean by "Emotional Maturity". Emotional Maturity is one of the most important but misunderstood aspects of the love experience. It is a frequent source of relationship problems, yet few take the time to do anything about it.

Now, I have the most wonderful man in the world as my husband. He has always been there for me through sickness and health (and this was before we were even married!). He has supported me in whatever I wanted to do with regards to education or career, and loves me unconditionally. No, life isn't a perfect fairy-tale, but we have weathered the tough times in life and come out stronger as a couple and as individuals, too.

My wish for you is that you also find the love that you desire by attracting the right kind of person to be your soul-mate.

The Feelings of Falling in Love

What is Love? Is it attraction? Is it intimacy? Is it attachment? Love, in fact, is all of these things combined together. "Love is spiritual, not physical. It is a union of souls and hearts and minds, not something you can't put under your microscope and understand!" Love is an emotion combined with a series of feelings. These feelings can be immensely powerful and wonderful. Romantic love is defined to be an intense emotional state that one person experiences in relation to another. These types of feelings appear to be among the most intense that most of us are capable of, and at least in some cases, grow rather than diminish with time. Falling in love can be one of the most unexplainable feelings a person can endure.

There are two sets of feelings that are the basis of modern romantic relationships. The first is attraction. Attraction is the excitement you feel when falling in love. To better explain this feeling, attraction is what you feel when you have met someone new who really excites you and you begin to feel aroused when thinking about this person. Although this sounds very sexual, this feeling is just the first of what will most likely become a sexual passion. When in this first state of attraction, your body feels different - more bouncy, more energetic, and in need of less food and sleep. When in this state of attraction, one feels very happy and different every time that they are with this person. Frequently the presence (or sometimes merely thought) of the loved one can evoke specific physiological reactions. These physiological reactions include: erections for the male, wetness for the female, a lump in the throat, sweaty palms, weak knees, cold feet, a pounding heart. dizziness, and butterflies in the stomach. These physiological reations are completely normal when falling in love.

The second type of feeling that one endures when falling in love is attachment. Attachment is a bond or a special tie between people that are attracted to one another. Attachment helps keep people together and has more to do with feelings of security than of excitement. Romantic love requires attraction plus attachment. Someone can be very strongly attracted to another person but never become attached. Without some feeling of attachment, attraction is nonspecific. Once you have begun to fall in love with someone, this process becomes more and more important and you begin to feel more attached to this person. When in this state of attachment, each person would feel as if they are one person combined together. A special bond is shared and a sense of comfort and togetherness is felt in most any situation. This attachment is very normal in close relationships and healthy to a certain extent. Many times one person becomes more dependant on the other and this can be very unhealthy because everyone needs their own sense of identity. Without your own sense of identity, you might feel smothered or unable to function without your mate. Either way it is a lose-lose situation. For a healthy relationship, one needs to be able to function without total dependence on their mate.

There are three main aspects of love. According to the triangular theory of love, these three components include intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment. Intimacy is the feeling of being connected and close to another person. It is getting to know the person beyond the friendship level and understanding them on a romantic level. An example of this might be going to dinner or the movies with a prospective mate, rather than the casual encounters that someone might have with them in everyday interaction. Intimacy does not only pertain to specific acts, but also in verbal and non-verbal expressions of love. Although verbal expressions of intimate feelings through self-disclosure is important to relationship quality, the nonverbal expression appears to be more important. In general people rely more on nonverbal thanb verval cues to interpret messages. Some examples of these nonverbal cues include touch, gaze, gestures, and time spent together.

The next aspect of love is passion. Passion is the feelings or physical attraction and sexual consummation that people have for one another. This is more than idolization of a superstar such as Tom Cruise or Demi Moore. It is an attraction that one might have for a peer or a person with whom they are aquainted. Passion acts as the fire that helps the relationship function.

The last aspect of love is decision/commitment. Decision/commitment refers to the belief that one is in love and committed to a certain romantic relationship. This bond may be as informal as a phrase that states they want to date exclusively, or it might be as formal as a ring of gold that bonds them forever. This commitment is exclusive between partners which both need to feel an equal level of commitment which they need to decide together. These three aspects involve no certain amount of time. It depends on the person or persons and the level of the relationship. Time will only give the couple some room to grow and expand the feelings felt for one another.

Although these feelings are somewhat similar with most people who fall in love, there are different types of traits that most people tend to fall in love with. Trusting, caring, humor and friendship may be the best examples of features associated with healthy adult love relationships. To be cared for is one of the most rewarding feelings in one's life. In my life I know that I have many people that care about me but to be cared about by my boyfriend is completely different. This feeling is a sense of completeness.

Throughout an individuals life they will have the opportunity to experience many different relationships involving these types of feelings for love. Many of these relationships will not be true romantic love. However, hopefully they will learn form these relationships so they do not repeat their mistakes from the past or let others do the same to them. I am now in a relationship where I can say that I am truly in love. I know this because of the feelings I get when I am with this special person and I am definitely attached to him. All of these feelings can be very complicated at times but, when you are in the right relationship this emotional roller coaster is very well worth it to feel these powerful feelings of love.

Ask the Right Questions First-from a Man's Viewpoint

OK. You have joined a couple of dating services and written a killer profile. You’ve uploaded a good picture and now you are going to chat with a contact. What now? How do you start separating those who have real potential and those who don’t have any potential at all? You need to find out something about who this strange woman really is and not just who she wants you to believe she is. It would be nice if women wore labels like “Gold Digger” or “Daddy’s girl”….but they don’t so it’s up to you to find these things out and you can’t just ask direct questions. You need to know what mistakes you can avoid making and how to impress this lady if you decide you want to do that.

After you are past the initial small talk, ask her, “What are the biggest mistakes guys make when dating online?” Listen carefully to her answers. She’s going to tell you a lot about herself and her views on men in general.

Next you should ask her, “What do you really think about online dating?” Now she will tell you if she has had any bad experiences dating o line and help you to avoid making the same things wrong.

Now for the all-important one…..”What caused the break up in your last relationship?” If she puts all the blame on the guy, you should probably move on to the next prospect. If she takes all the blame herself, you should probably do the same. If she says the breakup was by mutual consent or that the relationship just wasn’t right for either of them, you’ve heard the right answer. Move forward but always with caution.

Asking the right questions will give you insight and make you more confident when you meet the lady for the first time.

Online Dating For the Single 30 Something Woman

Life isn’t fair. Men get all the breaks. You’ve devoted all of your 20’s to getting your career off the ground. Not that you haven’t been dating…you have, but not seriously. Now here you are…30 something and there is no long term relationship in sight. You can actually hear your biological clock ticking. You have a precious few years to find a man to fall in love with, make him fall in love with you, get married, and have a baby or its lights out. You already know all of the men in your social circle. Not that they aren’t nice guys…some of them…but none of them are your soul mate. What’s a girl to do?

Consider online dating. You have the opportunity to read hundreds of profiles and look at hundreds of pictures in search of that “someone” that will be right for you. Maybe he will live in the same city you do…maybe he will live across the country or even in another country altogether. You aren’t limited to only those men that you come in contact with personally. The possibilities are almost endless.

“Is online dating safe”, you ask. “Aren’t the online dating sites made up entirely of perverts, sexual predators and weirdoes in assorted shapes and sizes?” the answer is, no they aren’t. Not anymore anyway. That was true when online dating first came on the scene but now it is mainstream. It’s as safe as you make it using common sense and sound judgment. Use the same caution that you would when meeting any stranger. Don’t give your real name, address or phone number until you feel safe doing so. Don’t rush into a face-to-face meeting until you are confident and then make the first meeting in a public place and during daylight hours. Give it a try…Mr. Right might be a few mouse clicks away.

Domestic Violence is NOT love!!!

A lady calls 911 and cries that her husband is beating her. She wants to file a report, but then asks the dispatcher if it is going to be in the paper the next day. When the dispatcher doesn't reply, she changes her mind about the report and hangs up (Cart). The lady was Sun Bonds, wife of all-star San Francisco Giant, Barry Bonds. Like the wives of other famous players, she was a victim of spousal abuse. Athletes are praised as heroes for what they do on the playing field, but what they do off the field is never mentioned.

Athletes have been abusing their spouses since sports were created, but not until the OJ Simpson trial has domestic violence become "the issue du jour." When Simpson was arrested on New Years Day for beating his wife, none of the newspapers reported it. When he pleaded no contest five months later, there was a small brief in the second page of The Los Angeles Times' Metro Section (Cart). In the last three years alone the list of the accused included Dante Bichette, Barry Bonds, John Daly, Scottie Pippen, Jose Conseco, Bobby Cox, Mike Tyson, Warren Moon, Michael Cooper, Darryl Strawberry, Duane Causwell, Olden Polynice, Robert Parish, and OJ Simpson( Callahan, Sports Ilustrated). And these are only the pro athletes whose wives had the courage to report the violence.

There is an act of domestic violence every eighteen seconds in the United States. One in every three women will experience it, according to a study done by The L.A. Times.
Abuse is the number one cause of injury for women. About six million women are abused each year; four thousand are killed (Cart). Although the sports world is not involved with all of these statistics, they are an important factor as to why the numbers are so high. The survey found that in 1995 there were 252 incidents involving 345 active sports players.

Another survey done by Sports Illustrated reveals that eight to twelve women a year are assaulted by their partners. More women die from abuse than from car accidents and muggings combined. A study done by the University of Massachusetts and Northeastern University revealed that out of 107 cases of sexual assault reported in various universities, most of them involved male student-athletes although they only make up 3.3% of the total male body (Callahan). This means that male student-athletes were six times more involved than males who were not student-athletes.

I, myself, was in a domestic abuse situation. My husband, now ex, was not an athlete. The important thing is to recognize the warning signs early and GET OUT!! There are organizations that will help you.

Welcome to my Love and Romance blog

Welcome to my Love and Romance blog. Love and the nature of love and romance has been a mystery since the beginning of time.
"Falling in Love" is a common myth in this society. There is a differentiation to be made between what is termed "falling in love" and the act of real loving. Peck describes exactly what it is that we experience when We think we have fallen in love. Much of what Peck describes as falling in love has to do with what he calls "ego boundaries". These ego boundaries are established during infancy and continue to develop throughout the person's life. These boundaries represent an individual's limits with their mental and physical power, as they are perceived by the individual. With these ego boundaries many people feel confined into their own personal identity which generally creates a feeling of loneliness. A need to form a cathexis is then developed. Peck describes it thus, "The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual's ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The Sudden release of oneself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundaries is experienced by most of us as ecstatic. We and the beloved are one! Loneliness is no more!"
Now it is not to say that the feeling of having fallen in love means that there in no hope for true love to grow from it. Many loving relationships do form on these grounds. However, It is after the inevitable diminishing of this fervent emotional overload that true love is put to the test, and the result of the relationship will either fail or prosper. It has been said that the "magic" of any romance dies, a statement to which I can only accede to. Genuine love therefore will be established and continue to mature long after this feeling has ceased.
What then is true love? I suppose I should know what it is if I intend to have it grow out of a simple cathexis. As Peck describes it, love is "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."
Love then seems to fall into place as one of the key elements involved in enlightenment. To fully reach an individual's peak of spiritual potential, it seems imperative for a person to form a loving relationship with another person. There is so much to be gained from a bond between two individuals, which is most commonly the underlying motive for finding someone to connect with. Whether they are conscious of it or not, many people have a desire to find a companion from whom they can grow, whether it be intellectually, romantically, spiritually, or any other means of progression that is to be gained from that experience. Moreover, It is an integral part of any relationship to have the same desire to provide the stimulation that is necessary to inspire the other person's spiritual growth. For true love to succeed it must be as much of a giving experience as a receiving one.